


Rage

by damageditem



Category: British Actor RPF
Genre: Break Up, F/M, Infidelity, Rage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-17 12:18:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2309399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damageditem/pseuds/damageditem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After months of relationship, Tom asked Vicky to move in with him. One day Vicky finds him fucking another woman in their bed. She breaks up with him. Will they be able to fix their relationship?<br/>You will read the story from both their POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

VICKY

You got out of the taxi far before he could turn off the engine of his car. You knew he was following you in his Jag, but you did not want to talk to him. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not ever again. You opened the portal door and jumped the stairs to your apartment with tears in your eyes and the shoes in your hand. Even though he was taller and faster, he found it difficult to follow your pace. You were boiling with rage, humiliation and shame, your heart beating so fast that it would explode at any moment, and the pain in your guts did not help at all easing your mind.

 _“Fucking bastard!”_ You tried to open the door, but your hands were shaking and you dropped the keys. You picked them up and finally opened the door. You closed it behind you just when he was about to enter.

“Please, Vicky, let me in. I told you I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened, I can’t explain it. You know I love you, baby, please.”

“Love me? Did you love me when you were pushing your tongue and your cock inside her? Don’t you dare say you love me again! If that's the love you have to offer me, I don’t want it!” Now that you were safe inside, the tears fell uncontrolled. You bent on your belly trying to ease the pain, and you could feel your heart breaking into small pieces, scattered through the floor.

_This morning everything was fine, you had a great day at work and decided to surprise him bringing some food to his apartment and have lunch with him. Maybe you could help him rehearsing for his new role. You opened the door, left the food over the counter and searched for him in every room until you reached the bedroom. There he was, naked, groaning in the neck of a glorious blond woman and fucking her like a beast. In the same bed he shared with you; in the apartment he wanted you to move into. You stood there, paralyzed, feeling dizzy because you forgot to breathe. You needed air or you would faint. You breathed a loud gasp, dropped the keys and run out of the apartment. You thought you heard him calling your name, but you are not sure. Your mind is registering things in low speed and you can’t think. This couldn’t be real._

You lean against the door and slide down until you're crouching in the floor. You can't stop the tears from falling, silent, each tear taking away every drop of strength inside you. You cannot move.

You hear him talking from the other side of the door, but you don't know what he's saying. You only hear some words. "Sorry..." "What I was thinking..." "Please..."

With all your remaining strength and a broken voice, you begged him. "Leave me alone."

He must be sitting on the floor, because you hear his voice near you. "No. I'm not leaving until you let me in and I'm sure you are ok."

"Well, I'm obviously not ok, nor I will be for a while. But don’t worry. I'm not going to do anything stupid. And I'm not going to let you in either. Go away. Please."

_You started thinking about yesterday night. Now it seems so far away... like a movie you saw a long time ago._

_You shared dinner in your favourite restaurant, and returned home taking a slow walk, holding hands, kissing behind the trees, holding each other's waist..._

_When you arrived to his apartment, you were already kissing and touching each other like horny teenagers, breaking the kiss only to take your coats off, scattering them over the room. He led you to the sofa and leant over you, pressing his body against yours, sliding his hands down your dress. His growing cock between your legs, his tongue brushing your lips, and his hand in your breast were blowing your mind away, but you felt in the mood to play with him, so you stopped him._

_You stood up, amazed at his face, and told him: “Wait here, and don’t move.” Your voice let him know who was going to be in charge tonight, and by the deep sound of his groan, he liked it._

_You went to the bedroom and picked up the cuffs, the whip and the black silk scarf. Back to the living room, you ordered him to stand up. He obeyed instantly. “Good boy. Safe word, love?” You blinded him with the black scarf, and he gasped when you tightened the knot. “Cinnamon”, he answered. You brushed your tongue over his lips, teasing his mouth. He opened his lips for you, but you withdrew from them with a chuckle. “Don’t rush, darling. We’re going to have fun tonight.”_

_You started unbuttoning his shirt slowly, biting every inch of the revealed skin, and licking the goose bumps in his skin. When you undid the last button, you slid your hands to reach his back, feeling every muscle, and turning the caress into a deep scratch, while your other hand brushed his cock over the fabric. He let go a deep groan from the back of his throat. He leaned his head to bury it in your neck, and he pressed his erection against you, holding your waist tightly and thrusting his hips forward with a moan._

_“Hum. You’re not behaving at all, love. I’m very disappointed.” You turned away from him to pick the cuffs. “Take off the shirt and put your hands on your nape.” You cuffed his wrists from behind and licked the red trails left by your nails._

_“Much better. Now, where was I? Ah, yes, here.” You wrapped your arms around him, letting your fingers brush the skin over his abs, feeling his belly tightening with anticipation. You unfastened his belt and the buttons of his jeans and slid your hands inside them, pushing the trousers down his legs, and letting your hands rest on his groins, barely touching his twitching cock. He twisted his hips to try to find the contact of your hands with his cock, but you took your right hand away and slapped once his beautiful bottom._

_His deep groan shook everything inside you, and you pressed your body against his back, moaning in his ear, and turning again to his front._

_“Don’t move, darling or I’ll have to punish you.” You slapped his bottom again, and you kneeled in front of him teasing his cock with your face while you said “Raise your right foot.” You took off his shoe and the sock, and you slid your nails through the sides of his thighs to remove the trouser, too. “Now, the left one.” You got rid of the trousers and the shoes and kissed his thighs on your way up. You could feel him struggling to stay still, his cock twitching at the nearness of your mouth._

_“Stop teasing. You’re killing me.”_

_You took the whip, and caressed his inner thighs and his cock with it, giving his cock slight touches with the whip, making him gasp._

_“That’s not how you should ask for it, love.” You spanked his ass with the whip, causing a deep groan. His belly was tightening, almost convulsing. You took the precum gathering in his cock’s tip with your thumb and gently spread it over the head. His breathing was harder, and he was struggling for taking control._

_“Please...”_

_You grabbed his ass and brushed it gently, barely touching his already reddish skin._

_“That’s better, love.” You brought one chair, and gently helped him sitting down. You raised your dress and straddled him, and started panting and moaning in his mouth, grinding over his cock. He tried to find your mouth, and you obliged, licking and biting his upper lip, until he deepened the kiss, hungrily thrusting his tongue inside your mouth while he pushed his cock upwards. You broke the kiss with a deep moan and got up, leaving him groaning in frustration._

_You kneeled before him, spread his legs apart and licked his chest, playing with his nipples, biting and pulling them, blowing over the wet trail on his skin, while one of your hands cupped his balls and the other one stroked his cock with a painfully slow rhythm._

_He pushed his hips back and forth trying to increase the pace of your stroke. “Please…I can’t hold much longer, and I want to fuck you so bad…”_

_“Don’t you dare coming until I tell you so. I haven’t finished with you.” You took off the scarf from his eyes and asked him to follow you to the bedroom._

_“Sit.” You kneeled in the bed behind him and opened the cuffs. You helped him bringing his arms down, slowly massaging his sore shoulders, kissing his back while scratching his chest._

_“Lie down and don’t touch me.” You approached his cock, kissing the tip, licking it in circles, and blowing over it. You hold his gaze while you close your lips around his cock, and your tongue licks the sensitive skin under the head. He moaned and thrust hard to fuck your mouth. He brought his hand to your head, but he stopped when you released his cock from your mouth._

_“Damn, Vicky, you’re going to kill me.”_

_“That’s the last thing I want, believe me.” You placed your middle finger in his lips and he sucked it eagerly, following the movements of your mouth on his cock._

_You went back licking his whole length and closing your mouth around it, moving it up and down, pressing your tongue against it in every stroke, cupping his balls, and slightly rubbing his ass with your already wet middle finger. He started to breathe harder and faster, his stomach was tightening and his thrusts became erratic._

_“Hold on.”_

_“Oh, God, I can’t.”_

_You took the base of his cock with one hand and started stroking faster, while your mouth kept sucking deeper and faster. You pushed your finger inside his ass. “Now, love, come for me.”_

_His moans became a loud groan and in two more thrusts he came inside your mouth, his cock throbbing and trembling inside you until the last spasm ended. His stomach was still convulsing while you licked his cock until you cleaned it completely. You crawled up and kissed him, holding his hands and bringing them to your back._

_“Oh, my God, darling, that was amazing.” He held your face in his hand, gently rubbing your cheek. “I love you so much, Vicky.”_

_“I love you too, Tom.” You rested your head in that spot in his chest that seemed to have been made for you._   
_“But… you know you will have to pay for what you’ve done to me, right?”_

_He turned you on your back and leaned over you, his hands travelling through your body, pushing his tongue inside your mouth again._

_“What are you waiting for, then?”_

He knocked at the door again. “Please, Vicky, talk to me.”

Why is he still here? You chuckled, and opened the door. You wanted to see his fucking face.

You stood by the door, blocking the entrance in case he wanted to come in. “And what am I supposed to say, Tom? That I forgive you for humiliating me? For cheating on me? For making a fucking fool of me? For lying to me? That it’s ok, and we can go on as if nothing happened? Tell me, Tom. What do I have to say to make you understand that I don’t want to see you again?”

He came closer to you, and his hands held your arms. “Vicky, please, don’t say that.”

“Don’t you fucking touch me, Tom. Gosh, you still smell like her.”

You turned around and kept talking, unstoppable now. “Do you think I can ever trust you again? That I can let you touch me or kiss me, or fuck me as if nothing had happened? Less than 12 hours ago you swore you loved me, but you’ve fucked another one. Has she been the only one, Tom? Answer me.”

“Vicky…”

“It’s a very simple question, Tom. You always talk about the importance of being honest. This is your chance. Have you fucked other women since you are with me? Or it’s just she? No, don’t answer. I don’t want to know. I wouldn’t believe you anyway.”

He was crying now. “Vicky… I’m sorry. Tell me what I can do to fix this. I… I don’t want to lose you.”

“You can’t fix this, Tom, don’t you see it? You’ve already lost me.”

“But I love you…”

“No, Tom. You don’t love me. You may like me, or you may like having sex with me, but that’s not love, and I won’t settle for that, even if I love you; or maybe because I love you. Anyway, this is the end. Please pack the things I’ve left in your apartment. I’ll send someone to pick them up. Goodbye, Tom.”  
You closed the door and stood there, crying, realizing you will never see him again.


	2. Chapter 2

TOM You hear a strange noise, like some keys falling to the wooden floor, but there is no one else here. You look at the source of the noise and you see her at your bedroom’s door. Paralyzed. Struggling to breathe. She’s running out of the apartment now, and you just feel like shit when you spot the pain in her face. What have I done?

“Vicky, wait!” But she’s already out and doesn’t hear you. “Oh, gosh, I’m sorry!”

You just don’t think. You get out of the woman below you, dress up, take the keys of your car and run after her. How did this happen?

You reach the car, turn the engine on and drive as fast as you can towards her apartment. You can’t believe what has just happened. And she saw it. She saw you, fucking another woman. What must she be thinking of me right now? Whatever she thinks of you, you’ve got it well deserved. God, you just want to die.

You’re flying through the streets of London, and in less than 5 minutes you arrive to her apartment. There she is, getting out of a taxi, running with her shoes in her hand. You don’t even try to park the car and you leave it right there. You run as fast as you can, but you can’t reach her before she’s entered the portal. You hold the door before it closes, and follow her upstairs. She’s slammed the door just when you were about to enter.

“Please, Vicky, let me in. I told you I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened, I can’t explain it. You know I love you, baby, please.”

She answers through the closed door, her voice full of pain and desperation. “Love me? Did you love me when you were pushing your tongue and your cock inside her? Don’t you dare say you love me again! If that's the love you have to offer me, I don’t want it!”

Her words hit you hard in the guts. Of course that’s not the love you have to offer, but you don’t even know how to make her understand that you really love her. She won’t believe you, anyway. God, you’ve fucked it up completely.

_You try to remember how you ended up in your apartment, fucking a woman you barely knew. You woke up next to Vicky after a great night of wild sex and love. She was still sleeping, but her alarm-clock would buzz soon, so you kissed her forehead and let her sleep a little longer. You had a fast shower, put on a t-shirt and sweatpants, and went for a run, as every morning. You arrived home just when she was leaving for work. You kissed her goodbye, took a relaxing shower and had some breakfast._

_You started reading your part for the new role in High Rise, and you tried to get into Dr Laing’s character. By noon, you receive a text message from one of the actresses of the movie. You had met briefly a couple of days ago when Ben Wheatley reunited you all for the first time. She said in the text she was having troubles with the relationship between your two characters and wanted to discuss it before going to Ireland. You agreed to meet, but a public place did not seem a good choice, so you invited her to your apartment._

_You started talking about how to approach their weird relationship and the next thing you remember is both of you kissing in character, her hand between your legs, stroking your cock and going to your bedroom to fuck. And then you saw her. You saw the pain in her face, the shock, and the tears._

The pain for what you have done to her doesn’t let you speak, and you can only mumble nonsenses, while trying to control the lump in your throat. “I’m so sorry, babe, please, let me explain. I don’t know what was I thinking of. Please, Vicky, let me in…”

You feel her sliding down the door, and you hear her broken voice saying: “Leave me alone.”

You only want to be inside, with her, hugging her, trying to make her understand how sorry you are. You wish you could comfort her, but you don’t even deserve it. You kneel by the door, and you lean your forehead until you touch it, trying to feel her through the door. “No. I’m not leaving until you let me in and I’m sure you’re ok.”

"Well, I'm obviously not ok, nor I will be for a while. But don’t worry. I'm not going to do anything stupid. And I'm not going to let you in either. Go away. Please."

You stand there, kneeling by her door, crying over the realization that you have lost her. She would never forgive you. How could she? If only she would let you explain… But even if you could explain that you were barely conscious of what you were doing, that it was just two movie characters having sex, not you, that doesn’t change the fact that you did it, and she saw it. And if you are feeling just a millionth part of the pain she’s feeling, you’d rather die right here if that could save her that pain.

_You remember the first time that you saw her, at one of those boring parties that Luke forces you to give from time to time, full of celebrities. You don’t know what had happened that night, but some of the actresses were flirting with you, trying to bang you, but you were not in the mood, so you tried to hide in your study. Nobody ever entered there, so you would be safe for a while._

_And then you saw her. She was in your study, admiring your old books, touching their spines. You thought you saw her smelling them. And then she stopped, took one of them in her hands and smiled, smelling and caressing the surface of your favourite one. She seemed to know what she was doing, because she flipped a couple of pages and smiled again, and then flipped some more pages and started reading out loud: “Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more.”_

_You approached her silently, and you followed the text, whispering near her: “or close the wall up with our English dead.”_

_She almost let the book fall to the floor, startled by your presence there. She apologized for being there and tried to leave, but you asked her not to. It was a long time since a woman had entered that room, or touched those books. She misunderstood your meaning, and thought you were a misogynistic asshole, but you were so intoxicated by her in that moment, that you couldn’t even explain yourself. She made you lose your famous eloquence for a while, and you tried to kiss her. But she turned her face. You remember her chuckling, and your surprise. You’re not used to being rejected that way, and you asked her what was that funny._

_“Everything, really. I’ve been invited to a party full of celebrities with my friends, and we’re feeling like a bunch of dwarves among elves. Apart from them, the only person that has attempted to talk to me in the last three hours is a guy who’s kissed almost every woman in the party tonight, and he has also tried to kiss me. And here I am, in the most beautiful room I’ve ever seen and the only thing I want to do is leave. Really, I’ve earned the right to laugh.”_

_She took her purse, picked up something from inside and she left. You did not even know her name or where to find her again. None of the guests seemed to know her. Finally you spotted one of her friends, and you asked him about her. You made up some excuse about her forgetting something, but he did not seem to buy it. You had to insist, but he finally gave you something: her twitter nickname._

_You immediately forgot about the party and searched for her. You logged in with your second account and started following her._

_You had to leave London for some weeks for the new promotion, but you twitted her every day. You learnt about her favourite books, movies, her hobbies. You really liked her, and wanted to know her better. Finally, after some months of talking, she agreed to meet you._

_You remember now how you panicked before meeting her, thinking she would refuse you, as the day of the party, and you almost cancelled it. But you did not._

_You told her to meet you in a friend’s bar. It’s not very frequented, and he agreed to close the bar for you, only close friends would be allowed._

_You waited until she was inside, and after a few minutes, you went in. You looked at her feigning surprise at finding her there. After a long talk, you revealed yourself and she almost left, thinking you were mocking at her. God, that woman is stubborn. You had a hard time convincing her, but finally she yielded._

_You kept on talking, and after a long walk, you left her at her door. You tried to give her a chaste goodnight kiss, but the not-so-little guy inside your trousers did not agree with that plan, so you leant forward to kiss her lips, hoping she would not reject you again. She kissed you back, opening her mouth for you, and you deepened the kiss, pushing your tongue inside her, tasting her, feeling her warmth inside you. You reluctantly broke the kiss to watch her. You could not read her face, and that was puzzling you._

_She stood silent for what seemed an eternity, and then muttered for herself: “To hell with it.” She looked at you and said: “I don’t usually do this, but… do you want to get in?”_

_You sighed in relief, kissed her again and said: “I feared you’d never ask me to.”_

_She took your hand and led you to her apartment. You started kissing her before you entered, and you closed the door with your foot. She started taking off your leather jacket as you took off her coat. With every step, your clothes were falling, scattered through the apartment’s floor, breaking the kiss just to catch air and remove the remaining clothes._

_There you were, skin against skin, and that first feeling of her warmth against your chest still gives you goose bumps. You held her tightly and pressed her towards you, your hard erection between your bodies, twitching, craving her touch._

_Your hands rested in her soft back, and you slid them through her body. One stopped in her waist. The other one went to her face, raising her chin so you could kiss and lick her neck. The smell of her perfume was blowing your mind away, and you could not avoid a deep moan._

_You turned her around, her back leaning against your chest. Your left hand softly holding her neck, while the other one travelled through her collarbones and down, to grab her breasts, pinching and pulling her nipples, one at a time. Her pants and moans near your ear were driving you crazy._

_S_ _he grinded her ass over your cock, while her hands grabbed your hips, Increasing your pressure over her body. Your hand slid down her tightening belly through her groin, and her hips swirled trying to get a feel on her clit, but you teased her for a while. She growled in frustration. “Please, Tom…”_

_“Don’t hurry, love. We have all night.”_

_You tilted her head backwards and brushed her lips with your tongue. She grabbed it eagerly between her lips and sucked it deeply. Your fingers slid towards her clit, and started teasing her entrance, feeling her warmth and wetness. You pushed two fingers inside her, and she gasped, freeing your tongue from her grasp, allowing you to lick and bite her neck._

_You moved your fingers up and down, slowly at first, until you felt her inner walls pulsating, and her hips thrusting to get you deeper inside her. Then you placed your thumb in her clit and started rubbing it, while you curled your fingers inside her, and moved them faster until her whole body convulsed, and with a muffled cry she came around your fingers, closing her legs tightly, trying to make her orgasm linger. You held her tightly when you saw her legs could barely hold her, and led her to the bed. You lied beside her, watching her agitated breath starting to calm down._

_“Oh, my God, Tom, that was awesome.”_

_“And this is only the beginning, darling.”_

_She rose up and straddled your waist, carefully avoiding your cock, and you bucked your hips trying to find that touch. “Not yet, honey. As someone said before, we have all night.”_

_She chuckled with a wicked smile. You will always love that wicked smile. She held your hands and placed them on the headboard. “You won’t need them for a while”, she said._

_She leant forward to lick your cheeks, drawing a wet line towards your ear lobe, sucking it and pulling it between her teeth. She then licked all the way through your jaw to your chin, and nibbled it while your mouth craved for her lips._

_She crawled back a little, getting closer to your cock, barely touching it, and asked you to close your eyes. You obeyed, and she started to caress your face with her long lock of hair. The feeling was amazing: she kept on crawling back, rubbing his pussy over your cock, caressing your extended arms while her hair brushed over your neck and her lips were licking and biting your nipples. The sensations are piling up in every inch of your skin, and you can barely control your breath. You thrust up your hips, trying to get inside her, but she crawls back, letting her hair brush your abdomen as she licks it. You are moaning loudly as she catches your cock between her breasts, and you start thrusting harder. Her hair is still tickling your body and it’s driving you crazy._

_She crawls back a little more, releasing your cock from her breasts, and you groan in frustration until she licks the precum on the head of your cock and spreads it around, blowing over the wet trail, and making you gasp._

_“Please, Vicky... Oh, fuck!”_

_She took your cock inside her mouth, and pressed her tongue against it, giving a long and painfully slow suck, until she let it out completely and patted her tongue with your cock. She repeated it again. And again. And you couldn’t stand it more, so you rose up and stood behind her, spreading her legs apart._

_“Enough teasing, love. Now it’s time to fuck you. Hard.”_

_You grabbed her long lock of hair and pulled it backwards, while you pushed your cock inside her in one deep hard thrust that almost brought you to the edge of coming. You stood there for a while, feeling her tight walls around you, and you brought your free hand to her clit, holding her with your palm and rubbing your thumb around her clit._

_You started thrusting faster, and deeper. “_

_Oh, my God, you feel so good.”_

_Her moans were getting louder, as she thrust back her hips to match your punishing rhythm._

_“Don’t stop now, Tom, I’m going to come. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuuuuuck! ”_

_She closed her legs and her whole body trembled when she came, her walls pulsating around your cock, while she struggled for air. You kept on thrusting deeper, and she collapsed over the bed. You crawled forward, standing between her spread legs, and leant over her, pushing your cock harder inside her. Your moans were deeper. You let her hair go, and kept rubbing her clit. Your thrusts were wild now, and you breathed a deep groan as she had another orgasm while you came inside her._

_You lingered there for a while, until your cock’s last spasms stopped, and you could start breathing again. You got out of her and lied beside her, gently turning herself towards you. She twined one of her legs between yours and found a place in your chest to rest her head._

_“Gosh, that was amazing. I think I won’t be able to move for a while.”_

_“Well, love, I hope you recover soon, because I haven’t finished with you…yet.”_

You stand up and knock at the door again. You cannot leave things like this. You have to try it. “Please, Vicky, talk to me.”

You hear her chuckle, and then, she opens the door. She stays there, making you clear that she will not let you in. Her eyes are swollen, and her black mascara is spreading down her face, but she’s not crying now. She is angry, defiant, hurt.

“And what am I supposed to say, Tom? That I forgive you for humiliating me? For cheating on me? For making a fucking fool of me? For lying to me? That it’s ok, and we can go on as if nothing happened? Tell me, Tom. What do I have to say to make you understand that I don’t want to see you again?”

The pain in your guts is stronger this time, and you feel your belly tightening. You walk towards her, and you hold her arms softly. “Vicky, please, don’t say that.”

She revolts from you, getting rid of your hands. “Don’t you fucking touch me, Tom. Gosh, you still smell like her.”

She turns around and rolls away from you. “Do you think I can ever trust you again? That I can let you touch me or kiss me, or fuck me as if nothing had happened? Less than 12 hours ago you swore you loved me, but you’ve fucked another one. Has she been the only one, Tom? Answer me.”

Oh, God, I can’t believe she’s asking me that. What have I done to her? “Vicky…”

She’s looking at me as if she did not know me at all. And deep down I know I deserve it, but it hurts so much…

“It’s a very simple question, Tom. You always talk about the importance of being honest. This is your chance. Have you fucked other women since you are with me? Or it’s just she? No, don’t answer. I don’t want to know. I wouldn’t believe you anyway.”

You just can’t stop the tears now. You feel dizzy and can’t even stay straight. “Vicky… I’m sorry. Tell me what I can do to fix this. I… I don’t want to lose you.”

That look in her face… Oh, God, she hates me. “You can’t fix this, Tom, don’t you see it? You’ve already lost me.”

“But I love you…”

“No, Tom. You don’t love me. You may like me, or you may like having sex with me, but that’s not love, and I won’t settle for that, even if I love you; or maybe because I love you. Anyway, this is the end. Please pack the things I’ve left in your apartment. I’ll send someone to pick them up. Goodbye, Tom.”

You stood there for a long time, shocked, unable to stop the tears. You can’t believe what you just did to the woman you love.


	3. Chapter 3

VICKY

You're feeling exhausted, and confused, so you decide to take a shower to clear your mind. It's like being in a nightmare: you want to wake up, but you can't.

You go to the bathroom, take off your clothes and enter the shower. This time, the sound of water is not as relaxing as it used to be, and the feeling of the hot water falling through your body only serves to make you cry.

You crouch in the floor of the shower and cry your anger out, you don't know for how long.

You can't believe what's happened. You really believed him when he said he loved you, but this...

You're feeling tired, exhausted, after the rage and the tears, and you can't even get out of the shower, so you stay there, feeling the streams of the now cold water hitting your skin.

And then the water stops. You raise your eyes to see what happens, and you see him there, holding your bathrobe.

"Come on, Vicky, let me help you. You'll get ill."

"What are you doing…? How long...? How did you…?" You're so tired that you can barely speak, your body shaking uncontrolled. He puts the bathrobe over your shoulders and helps you getting out of the shower.

Well, you gave me a copy of your keys, remember? And I told you I would not leave until I'm sure you are ok. And you're not. I may have behaved like a fucking asshole, but I love you, and I care about you, even if you don't believe me."

You open your mouth to say something, but he stops you.

"You don't have to talk to me, or even look at me if you don't want to, but now, you're going to put some clothes on and you'll come to the kitchen. You haven't eaten since breakfast. I've prepared some soup."

You don't know what to say. He did what? You just want to shout at him, kick him out of the apartment, slap him, hug him... But you only say: "I'm not hungry", and you turn your eyes away from him.

You go to your bedroom and put on a t-shirt, a sweater and a pair of leggings and you sit on your bed, your back on the headboard and your arms wrapping your legs. You feel so cold, and tired...

And then you see and smell a bowl of soup in your nightstand. You're not hungry, but you really like his soup. You hold the bowl in your hands, feeling its warmth and trying to catch the comforting feeling it always gave you, but this time it's not working.

You've always been a strong woman. You can cope with whatever comes to you. You've always done. And you know you shouldn't be crying now, but you can't help it.

You don't cry for him, though. You cry for you, because you should have known this would happen. You did not want to let him get into your life for nothing. He's a gorgeous, charming and famous guy. Why would he want to be with an ordinary woman like you? This could only end bad for you. But he insisted, and for God’s sake, he even faked being someone different to get to you! And before you knew it, you had fallen for him. He is so nice, gentle, smart, caring, funny. And as an extra, he's beautiful and the sex is amazing. How could you not fall for him? You and half the population of this planet, of course.

You always feared something could happen, though you never told him. All the times he's far, filming, in promotions, or auditioning, you think about him surrounded by gorgeous women that, of course, would fall in love with him, and one day he'd come back just to tell you that he found someone new, a better one, someone he loved best. And you were prepared for it. Those things happen, and no one is to blame. It would hurt, of course, but life is a bitch, and we don't always get what we want.

But you would have never expected him to cheat on you. In your face. You don't deserve it, and it's something you can't cope with. Even if you could forgive it, the whole relationship would change. You can't trust him anymore, you can't believe what he says, you'll always doubt if he's thinking of someone else when he's kissing you or when you're making love...

No, you can't do it. He must go. You wipe the tears with the back of your hand and bring your legs to the floor, and you see him, leaning against the door, quietly watching you.

"I'm sorry", he says, almost a whisper between his tears.

"I know. I'm sorry too." You can't even look at him.

He doesn’t try to get near you, and stays by the door while he speaks. "I've talked to Luke. I've told him I'm not going to do this movie, though I did not tell him why. I just can't, after what's happened with… her. I know I've fucked it up. But, really, I want to fix this, Vicky. I can't lose you. Not like this."

"Are you now a coward too? You have to do that movie. You have to face what you've done, and live with it. You have to face her, too.” You paused to sigh and have a deep breath. “Really, Tom, right now I don't want you near me. It hurts too much having you around.”

You’re angry, disappointed, and exhausted, and you don’t even have the energy to raise your voice.

“So please, go away. Do that movie. Do the promotions. Do another movie. Don't call me. Don't text me. Don't try to see me. Go on with your life, and let me go on with mine. Maybe one day I'll be able to look at you and feel nothing, but now, looking at you hurts me. It makes me feel like I’m not worthy of good things, and I don’t want that shit in my life… again.”

“Please, don’t say that. You deserve the best things life could bring.”

Your annoyance must be showing in your face.

“Don’t look at me like that. I know how this sounds coming from me after... But me being an asshole doesn’t make it less true.”

“Yeah, well, ok, I get the point. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m really tired, and tomorrow I have to wake up early for work. Please leave the keys before you go, ok?” You turn around to try to hide the pain in your guts.

“So, this is really the end, isn’t it?”

“Please, Tom, I don’t know. I… I need time. Whether it will be one month, one year or forever, I cannot say."

Ok, then. I know I can't make you change your mind. But please, don't send anyone to pick your things up. Tomorrow afternoon I'll make myself busy, in case you want to come to do it yourself. Or you can go next weekend, when I leave for Belfast."

He stood there, silent, reluctant to move, probably waiting for you to stop him.

"Goodbye, then, Vicky." He approached you, slowly, afraid of your reaction. He tilted his head to one side and gave you a light kiss in your cheek. You turned you face slowly, away from him, even if your skin is craving his touch. But you know that if he'd stay, you'd be lost.

"I really hope you can forgive me one day. I'll wait all the time you need to. Just... don't hate me, please, and promise me you'll take care, ok?"

"I will. Goodbye, Tom."


	4. Chapter 4

TOM

 

You get back to your apartment. It’s dark, and suddenly it feels like a strange place, as if something important is missing.

_Vicky._

Barely twelve hours ago everything was perfect, and now you feel your life is turned upside down. You wander around the house without a purpose, just trying to find something to hold on to, something that tells you this is a nightmare, and everything will be ok again, but you don't find it.

You enter the living room and step on your script lying on the floor. You pick it up, stare at it and throw it carelessly over the sofa. That's the last thing you want to think about now. You drag your feet to the bedroom, feeling your body heavy as a stone. The bed is still unmade, and you feel a sharp pain in your guts standing there, just where she saw you. You try to imagine the reverse scene, watching her fucking another guy in your bed, and you understand her pain, you feel it tearing you into a thousand pieces. You fall on your knees, holding your belly, trying to ease the pain and control the tears. It's not working at all.

You're so lost right now... You hit your head with your hands, growling, trying to make your head work, to find a solution, but you cannot think straight, and your body is starting to be filled with anger. You are angry with yourself. How could you do something like this? You've had a lot of partners during your life, casual or more serious, but you've never cheated on any of them before. You just don't know what to do, and that's driving you crazy.

You find her keys on the floor, just by your side. You pick them up trying to know what to do with them. You stare at them, remember why they are there and you throw them angrily against the wall. You grab the pillows, beat them and hit the bed furiously with them, once and again, venting your rage, shouting, grunting, stripping the bed and throwing the sheets away, like blaming them for what has happened.

After some time, you just sit on the naked mattress, with your head between your hands, but the rage is still there, invading your chest. You put on your running clothes and get out of home. You start running, but soon you sprint faster, and farther, until your feet hurt, you can barely breathe and the anger is gone. You arrive to you apartment exhausted, only to find Luke at your door, freaked out, looking at you as if you've gone mad.

"What the hell is going on, Tom? Tell me you were joking when you said you will not do this movie."

You open the door and enter the apartment. You don't even know what to say or where to start. "For God's sake, Tom, what's happening? This is not like you. Talk to me, let me help you. You look awful."

"Well, that may be because I feel awful, Luke. I... I don't even know where to start. I've fucked up everything, and now she has left me and I don't know what am I going to do without her or how to fix it. She doesn't want to see me again, and I cannot blame her. I can barely stand myself right now."

"Ok, ok. Why don't you get a shower? Try to calm down and then you'll tell me what's happened, ok?"

You nod obediently, and go for a shower. Right now it feels good to have someone who takes control of the situation. You feel unable to do it. You turn the tap on and step into the shower. Once the hot water is falling over you, you start thinking about Vicky. Her wicked smile when she is teasing you, her stubbornness, her witty replies, her sense of humour, her delicate hands, always giving you goose bumps whenever she touches you, her big coffee coloured eyes, her freckles, her scent, every curve on her body, the way she makes you feel when you are making love… No, you can’t give her up. You have to find a way to win her back, no matter how much time it takes.

You get out of the shower, put on a t-shirt and a pair of old trousers and you stare at your phone, holding yourself from calling her. Not that you would know what to say, though. You just want to hear her voice again, but she probably wouldn't answer you. You see an unread message. “Hi, Tom. I’m so sorry about this morning. I don’t know what happened. I hope you could talk to your girl and explain it. I feel terribly sorry. S.” You should apologize to her too, but you can’t do it right now.

Luke is waiting for you in the living room with two cups of tea.“Ok, Tom. What’s it?”

“I don’t know where to start. This morning I had a text from S. She had troubles with our characters, and we met here to talk about it before going to Belfast. I don’t know what happened, but we started rehearsing our characters and before I knew what was going on, we were fucking in my room...”

Luke looks at you astonished, but he doesn’t say a word, waiting for you to finish.

“… And Vicky… She came home, and saw us. She left the apartment running, and I followed her home, but she doesn’t want to see me again. I don’t know what I am going to do without her. And right now I don’t feel I’m able to do that movie. Every scene with S. will remind me of what happened. Vicky called me coward when I told her so. Maybe she’s right.” You ruffle your hair, and cover your face with your hands, ashamed.

He stood silent for some minutes, trying to find the right words. “I’m sorry to hear that, Tom. I’m not going to talk as your agent, but as your friend. You have to do it. You’ll go to Belfast; you’ll do that movie and whatever comes after that. As your friend, I’d also ask you to give her time. I know she loves you, but you must admit that what she has seen is quite hard to digest. Getting back to work may be good for both of you and time will say what happens next.”

“You’re probably right, but I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to do it, Luke. I can’t do it without her.”

 

It’s been 5 sleepless days and Vicky hasn’t gone to your apartment to pick her things, so she’ll probably go when you’re not in the city. You cannot blame her for it, really, but somehow you expected to meet her, talk to her, explain… well, not really expect; it’s more like daydreaming what you’d like to happen. It feels good for a few moments, but then you realize it’s not going to happen and the pain hits harder every time. You should stop it, but it’s a kind of drug you’ve become addicted to, and you can’t (don’t want to) cure from it.

The filming goes as well as it can be, giving extra work to the makeup team with the growing bags under your eyes, your dark mood and your isolation from the rest of the cast. Every night, after the day ends and the rest of the guys go to have some drinks together, you go back to your hotel, dial her number and hung up before pressing the last number. You don’t even have the guts to let her know you’re calling her.

But today is a special day. It’s the last day of filming. And it’s her birthday. This time you pick up the phone as soon as the clock strikes midnight, and push each and every number. It’s too early for her to be sleeping, but her phone is in silence mode, excepting for a few family numbers, in case of emergency. You’re sure your number is not on that list anymore, so you won’t disturb her. You wait until the voice mail jumps, and you stay a few seconds in silence, not sure if you should do it, but you decide to go on. “Hello, Vicky. It’s me, Tom. I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I… (beep) I miss you.”

You hung up the phone and let yourself fall back onto the bed. You can’t believe how things can change so suddenly. Last year you were celebrating her birthday together, and now…

_You remember it as if it was yesterday. You called her as soon the clock turned midnight to wish her a happy birthday and told her to open the front door. “Why? What have you done this time?” You could tell by the sound of her giggling voice that she was loving it. You heard her going towards the door, and opening the lock, to find a small parcel and a bunch of red roses. 8 real roses, one for each month together, and a freeze-dried one in the middle, looking just like the rest, but that one, as your love for her, won’t fade away. She gasped loudly “Oh, my God, Tom, it’s beautiful. Thank you, love, but you didn’t have to do it. I’m lucky enough for having you. Will you come tonight?”_

_“No, love, I cannot be there tonight, I’m out of the city. But in a few hours I’ll be all yours, and I promise I’ll compensate you for this. By the way, there should be something else. I hope none of your neighbours stole it.”_

_You felt a slight disappointment in her voice, but she won't say anything. She never wants to worry you with that, and even if she tries to hide it, you always know how she feels about it. “Oh, yes, it’s true. There is a small box. Let me bring everything inside and I’ll open it right now.” She took the flowers and the little box and closed the door. You gave her some seconds to reach the living room and then you rang the doorbell. You heard her footsteps arriving at the door. You can almost see her face right now, wandering who would be so late in the night, and you smile with anticipation._

_She opened the door slowly, and gasped when she saw you. She brought her hands to her mouth, and then to your neck in one jump. “You’re here! You were here all the time!” She covered your face and your mouth with kisses._

_“I’d never forgive myself if I’d let you be alone tonight, love. Did you like your presents?”_

_“I still haven’t opened the small box. Come with me! I can’t wait to see what it is.”_

You loved her face when she was like this. Happiness radiating from every pore of her skin, making her even more beautiful than she already was. And you destroyed it… You stand up by the bed, feeling a heavy weight over your chest that doesn’t let you breathe. You need air, so you open up the door to the balcony and step outside, taking deep slow breaths.

_She took your hand and led you to the living room. You sat on the sofa, and asked her to sit on your lap while she carefully untied the bow of her present. She opened the box and she forgot to breathe when she saw it. She looked at you open-mouthed, held your face between her hands and kissed you. ”Thank you, Tom, it’s beautiful! And I’m sure it’s much more than I deserve.” “_

_Not at all, my love. I’d like to cover you in the most beautiful jewels on earth, but I know you wouldn’t wear them, so I thought maybe you would like and wear this.”_

_“I’ll wear it every day. It’s perfect. Will you put it on me?”_

_You took the black braided leather cord with the pending blue sapphire and tied it around her neck, lightly brushing her skin and kissing her nape when you finished. She turned around, straddling you, questioning you with her eyes. “You look ravishing, my love, and the sapphire looks even more beautiful over your skin.” “A sapphire? This size? Are you crazy?”_

_“Yes, I’m crazy for you. Happy birthday, Vicky.” You held her waist and pulled her towards you, shutting her up with a kiss. You licked her lips and pushed your tongue inside her mouth, tasting her, breathing her, trying to melt inside her. Her hands were playing with your hair, and she shifted over you, placing herself over your hardening cock, rocking her hips back and forth as you slid your hands under her top, using your fingertips for drawing her back, her curves, her breasts, her nipples. Feeling her heavy breathing and her moans in your ear while she rubbed her cunt against your cock was driving you crazy._

_You took off her top, held her back and leant her over the sofa. You took off her knickers, and admired her wearing only your necklace. Your mouth played with her nipples while your thumb rubbed her clit. She was whimpering with your slow touch, squirming under your hands. You slid one finger inside her while you pushed your tongue inside her mouth, following the rhythm of your finger. She was pushing her hips upwards, wanting your finger deeper. You slid a second finger inside, curled them, and started thrusting harder and deeper, until she arched her back with a muffled moan and you felt her inside walls clenching around your fingers. She was trying to recover her breath, as she muttered: ”Hmm that felt wonderful, love.”_

You feel your cock twitching inside your trousers with the image of Vicky moaning and craving for your touch. You enter the room again, take your pyjama trousers off and lie on your back in the bed, touching your chest, and your abs, imagining it’s her hands rubbing your body, licking your cock, caressing your balls…

 

_She took you to the bedroom and undressed you in a rush, hungry of you. You both fell over the bed and she straddled your knees, leaning forward to lick the length of your cock from the base to the tip. She took it in her hands and patted his tongue with it, making your cock twitch, and your hips bucked upwards, searching for the warmth of her mouth._

You start stroking your cock slowly, pressing the small triangle on the back of the glans, as she used to do, spreading the little drops of precum over it with your thumb, moaning her name, trying to feel her warm mouth over you.

 

_She tightened her lips around the tip of your cock, sucking it hard, and pressing her tongue against it while her hand rubbed the spot between your ass and the base of your balls, piling up the sensations. Your groans make her chuckle, and you know the best is still to come, but tonight it’s all about her, so you lied her on her back, spread her legs apart and gave a long slow lick to her cunt. You took your time nibbling her clit, making her gasp with every pull. You pushed your tongue inside her, as deep as you could, licking and devouring the juices she gave you. She bucked her hips upwards, riding your chin and your face, but you pressed your hand on his belly, pinning her to the bed, while you kept on pushing your tongue inside her until she came again, crying your name out loud._

Your hand is pressing your cock harder every time, stroking it faster, bringing you to the edge of coming, but you stop there, denying your orgasm, pressing the already sensitive tip of your cock until it hurts. Oh, how she loved to torture you having you as long as possible over the edge. Your belly tightens in frustration and your cock twitches, craving for more, so you start stroking it again. You can almost see her wicked smile down there, looking at you, driving you crazy with pleasure, and pain, and denial, and the strongest orgasms you’ve ever had.

_You crawled up her body and placed your cock on her entrance, pushing your whole length inside her in one deep thrust while she was still recovering from the last orgasm. She wrapped her legs around your waist, pushing you deeper. “Please, Tom. Fuck me hard.” She didn’t have to ask for it twice. You started thrusting faster inside her, looking right in the eyes, holding her gaze, your mouths open, breathing and panting into each other, feeling your pleasure growing inside. She came hard with a voiceless moan, and feeling her walls pulsating over your cock made you come too, groaning in her neck, dripping every bit of you inside her with one last deep thrust. You collapsed over her, breathless, still inside her, enjoying one of your favourite moments of the sex with her, when you were melting together into one, both bodies and souls, sharing kisses, sweat, and your bodies radiating warmth. Being one._

You kneel on the bed, stroking your cock harder, while you press one of your fingers inside your ass making rolling movements inside, bringing you closer to the edge again. You imagine her rubbing your cock faster, placing her mouth near your tip, licking it while waiting for your release. You feel your belly convulsing, and you stroke your cock harder until you come breathing her name. You curl up in the bed, exhausted, and you fall asleep for the first time in weeks.


	5. Chapter 5

VICKY

 

“Come on, Vicky. You have to get out some day, not only to work. You need to have fun, meet your friends, and eventually know new people. We miss you and we’re worried about you. It’s been… how many months since you haven't been out of home to have fun?”

 _Eight months, twenty days and ten hours since that damn day_ , but you only said: “Not enough. I don’t want to know someone new; I don’t need new people in my life. I’m fine as I am.”

“Oh, yes, I’m sure of that. That’s why you are pale as a ghost, with those dark circles under your eyes, and a face that would make a tortured soul look happy at your side.” Debby was always so subtle…

“Well, better alone than in bad company, they say.” Just the thought of going through something like this again makes you shiver. No way is that going to happen again.

“Wow, thanks for my part in that. I love you too, hun.”

“Come on, Debby, you know what I mean.”

“Of course I know, and I also know what you need. So tonight you’re going to put on a nice dress, and you are going to come with me. Even if you don’t want to. Because you owe it to me. And "no" is not an option. So, you should start getting ready. I’m waiting for you right here, and the clock is ticking.”

There was no way you were going to get rid of this, so you entered the bathroom, took a shower and stared at the reflection in the mirror. You only saw a ghostly sad face, which you barely recognized as yours. You tried to fix your face with make-up, but you couldn’t remove the empty look from your eyes.

You put on your only dress, a black basic one, a pair of old shoes, some perfume and you didn’t even bother taking another look at the mirror before meeting Debby in the living room.

“I’m ready. Where are we going?”

“Well, you forgot to wear a smile, but it will do… for now. Let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” It’s been so long since you talked to other people apart from Debby and the random people at your work, that you started to freak out. You never were the soul of the parties, but lately you had got the joy of a dead mushroom. Well, you could always leave soon wherever it is she was taking you to.

“We’re going to our bar. The guys are waiting for us, and we’re having fun tonight. Trust me.”

“I don’t know, Debby. I’m not a good company for having fun…”

“Yes you are, but you don’t remember it. You have to practice to get it back, and that’s what we’re doing tonight, ok? Just try it, and if you need to leave, I’ll get you back home as soon as you want. Deal?”

“Do I have any other option?”

“Nope.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“Let’s go, then.” She grabbed your arm with a huge smile and led you to her car. You arrived to the bar and everyone was there. You said hi, and they saved you the pain of having to explain why you are so lost lately. Someone handed you a beer, and you almost dropped it to the floor when you saw him coming into the bar.

You turned towards Debby and you saw Luke talking to her. What is he doing here? If looks could kill, Debby and Luke would have vanished instantly under your gaze.

Luke was the first to speak. "Hi, Vicky. It's good to see you again. Please, don't look at me like that, and let me explain, ok? Tom didn't know you’d be here, either. Debby and I are worried for both of you. You seem lost without each other. Both of you have been alone all these months; you look like ghosts, passing through life as if it's a punishment. And we thought you needed to talk. The result is up to you, but it's painful to see you like that. And it’s also starting to affect his career. He has rejected three projects already."

“Luke, tell me you’re not insinuating that his rejecting jobs is my fault, because I’m not in the mood for bullshit.”

“Come on, Vicky. I was just stating that he’s sunken and depressed, and people are starting to talk. You know what that means in this world, Vicky.”

“Yes, of course I know. And that’s the only thing that matters, isn’t it?” You were starting to feel overwhelmed: first Debby taking you out, then you found Tom was here, and now Luke was... You felt a lump in your throat and you felt stupid again.

You just wanted to leave, but Luke hugged you and did not let you move.

“I’m not saying nothing like that, Vicky, please. I know you have not asked about him for months, and I just wanted you to know that he’s not well, nothing more. He has not thought of anything but you all this time and that’s killing him. We just want you two to be ok, and if being apart doesn’t work, maybe you should talk about it. That’s all.”

“I know. I’m sorry, Luke, that was mean of me. It’s just that I didn’t expect to see him here.”

“It’s ok, Vicky. We’ve missed you. A lot.” He tightened the hug a little more and kissed your forehead before releasing you.

You couldn't stop looking at Tom. He truly looked as finished as you: paler and thinner than usual, dark circles under his eyes… he walked as if he felt heavier than he is. He tried to smile when someone talked to him, but his smile was not as bright as before. And then he saw you. He stared at Luke, questioning him, and you heard Luke telling him the same story he told you.

You kept his gaze, but he did not move. You couldn't read his face, and he probably was thinking the same about you, so, despite the pain in your guts, you managed to put something like a half smile on your lips. You mouthed a voiceless "hi", and he slowly came towards you.

You felt your heart beating faster, and your legs shaking, but you managed to keep the beer in your hands and your legs on the ground. He was in front of you now. He whispered "Hi, Vicky" and you felt a thousand butterflies in your stomach and your legs turning jelly.

You had thought about him every day and every sleepless night of these long months, and nobody knew how much you had missed him all this time. You did not try to ask about him or google him or watch any of his movies, because sometimes you feared and other times you were sure that he had forgotten you, he had found someone less stubborn, who would forgive and forget easily, and that still hurt like hell. But what Luke said… Could it be true? Could he love you after all this time?

You braced yourself to the edge of one of the tables to try to keep your balance, and said: "Hi, Tom." You stared at each other silently, your bodies getting closer. None of you seemed to find words, and none of you dared to find a touch.

"I... I didn't know what Luke had planned. If you don't want me to stay, I'll leave. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." He was giving you one of those looks that searched for the answer inside your soul. You always felt naked when he looked at you like that, and this time wasn't different.

You could not hold his gaze, and looked to the floor. "Would you have acted differently had he told you?" Maybe Luke is wrong. Maybe he's the one who doesn't want to see you. Maybe he has forgotten you. Maybe...

"No. I would have come anyway. I needed to see you, and I needed to know if you still hated me or if there's still hope..."

"I don't hate you, Tom. I tried to, but I can’t” Your voice is trembling and you’re feeling dizzy. “I was hurt, angry, and disappointed; because I trusted you and you betrayed me. You… broke me inside." The lump in your throat did not let you say nothing more.

He got a little closer to you, though he did not touch you. His voice was barely a whisper. "I’m so sorry, Vicky... Every day I curse myself for what I did. I cannot sleep thinking about the pain I caused you, trying to figure out if you're ok, if you have forgiven or forgotten me, if you've found someone else. I thought about how to make you forgive me, to make you love me again, but I can't find the way, and that’s killing me.” He rested his forehead against yours, closing his teary eyes. You saw him trying to touch your face with his hands, but he brought them down again, afraid of your reaction of his touching you.

"Can you forgive me, Vicky? I know you don't trust me, but let me prove I love you. Let me love you, please." You felt one tear falling from his eye into your cheek, running down your face.

You tried to breathe slowly, but you could only sob, with a mixture of anxiety, relief, fear... You raised your hands to his chest, checking if this was real, and you leant your head until it rested there, in your favourite place of his chest, feeling his heart beats and his hard breathing. He hugged you tightly, pressing you against his body, and it felt like home.

"I... I've missed you so much, Tom... and I'm not sure if I can go on like this anymore. I miss you when I wake up and you're not by my side, hugging me, and when I prepare your favourite meal, and whenever I get back home from work and you're not pacing up and down the terrace memorizing your lines, and when I hear a new song that I know you'd like. I've missed your soup when I've had a bad day, and your laugh, your dances around the house, the way you look at me, your hands, your kisses, you... But I'm terrified of it happening again, and that will make me be a pain in your ass sometimes, and I..."

He didn't let you finish, and you felt him chuckling, relieved, when he said, teasingly: "More than usual? That's going to be a tough test, then."

You slapped his chest, with fake indignation, and you pointed a finger at him, trying to contain a laugh while you replied, but he didn't let you speak. He held your face in his hands and shut you up with a kiss. The kind of kiss that always took your breath away, smooth, trapping your upper lip between his, lightly brushing it with his tongue, taking with him every bit of your self control, and always making you crave for more. You felt him in that kiss, his love, his apologies, his need of you, his desperation, and you shared with him your love, your fears, your struggle.

You broke the kiss, overwhelmed with feelings, the doubts you had before somehow fading away. You knew you loved him, and by the way he was looking at you, he loved you too, but... could you really trust him? You didn't think you could bear this happening again. You were looking at him, inside him, and he knew you so well, that he didn't need your words to know what you were thinking.

He cupped your face in his hands, looking into your eye. "I know what's going on in that little head of yours. It won't happen again, Vicky. Believe me. I won't hurt you, and I won’t risk losing you again. But I know you, and I don't want to start anew until you're ready. Just let me be near you, let me help you with whatever you may need, let me be part of your life again. I'll be whatever you need, a friend, a confident, a taxi driver, a punching bag… but don't push me away from you again, please. I’m finished without you."

“And how are we going to do that, Tom? How can we go from everything to nothing, and then to “just something” again? I… I love you, but right now I’m terrified.”

“Why don’t we start with something easy? Would you like to go for a walk with me now?” He offered you his hand with one of those puppy faces he knew you couldn’t resist. You took your purse and your jacket and let him lead you to the door. You saw Debby’s huge smile, and she gave you a “thumbs up”. You mouthed a silent “not yet” to her, but you couldn’t hide a little (very little) smile in your face.


	6. Chapter 6

TOM

 

You enter the bar after Luke, and you try to talk to some of the familiar faces you saw there, though you’d rather be anywhere else. You cannot understand why Luke was so insistent upon you coming to the bar today. You have been really isolated these last months, but you’ve let him down so many times that you felt that you owed it to him. Hopefully you’ll be able to leave soon.

Or so you thought, until the moment you see her. Vicky. She’s here. Your heart misses some beats while you were looking at her. You can’t believe it. You look at Luke, questioning him. You are paralyzed. You just want to go to her, hold her, touch her, and kiss her, but you fear she won’t let you be near her. She looks tired, she is thinner, and her eyes are lifeless, they don’t shine as before. And it’s your entire fault. You feel your stomach clenching in pain when you face what you’ve done to her.

“You knew she’d be here. That’s why you insisted so much isn’t it?” You look at him astonished. “How could you, Luke? She doesn’t want to know anything about me, and you should respect that.” You are actually thinking of leaving the bar. The last thing you want is making her uncomfortable, but you need to see her again so desperately…

“Listen to me, Tom. Yes, I knew she’d be here. Debby and I agreed that you cannot go on like this. You need to meet again, and talk, and close that chapter once and for all, whatever you decide upon it. It’s painful for us to watch both of you like this, for God’s sake, so please, do something about it.”

At some point, you stop listening to him. You just try to focus on her. She’s looking at you, and she seems shocked to see you here, but she’s not leaving. Does she still hate you? Will she let you apologize again? If you’d only know what she’s thinking…

You stare at her, analysing her face. Is that a trace of a smile or are you imagining it? She mouths a silent “Hi”, and that’s all the encouragement you need. You walk slowly towards her. Your legs are trembling, you’re feeling dizzy and your heart cannot beat any faster. You are in front of her now, intoxicated by her presence.

“Hi, Vicky.” You are dying for touching her, and her perfume brings you a thousand memories, but you don’t move. If you do, you’ll kiss her, and you don’t want to ruin this moment. It may be your only chance to get her back.

You see her bracing herself to the edge of the table, and she says: "Hi, Tom."

"I... I didn't know what Luke had planned. If you don't want me to stay, I'll leave. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." You looked at her, trying to find the answer in her eyes. You always knew her thoughts when you look into her eyes, but these eyes were not the same. Or maybe you are not the same. The fact is that you don’t know what her answer will be.

"Would you have acted differently had he told you?" She doesn’t hold your gaze while she speaks, and that gives you a few seconds to regain your composure.

"No. I would have come anyway. I needed to see you, and I needed to know if you still hated me or if there's still hope..." Just the thought of having some hope of getting her back gives you goose bumps.

"I don't hate you, Tom. I tried to, but I can’t.” Her voice was faint, trembling. “I was hurt, angry, and disappointed; because I trusted you and you betrayed me. You… broke me inside."

You feel your guts clenching at her words. You know you hurt her badly, but hearing her saying it is like torture for you. You get closer to her, and as badly as you want to hold her in your arms, you manage to control yourself. You cannot control your voice, though, and you only find a slight thread of voice.

"I’m so sorry, Vicky... Every day I curse myself for what I did. I cannot sleep thinking about the pain I caused you, trying to figure out if you're ok, if you have forgiven or forgotten me, if you've found someone else. I thought about how to make you forgive me, to make you love me again, but I can't find the way, and that’s killing me.”

You lean forward and rest your forehead on hers, closing your eyes to keep your tears from falling. You want to hold her face in your hands, to let your hands tell her all the words you cannot say; your love, your desperation, your pain, your need for her… But you lower your hands again. You don’t want her to reject you again. That’d kill you.

"Can you forgive me, Vicky? I know you don't trust me, but let me prove I love you. Let me love you, please." This time you cannot keep your tears from falling. Talking to her after all these months, undressing your soul to her, has released your anxiety and now you can’t control your body any more. You don’t want to. You need her to see you, to feel you. It’s the only way to get to her again.

She looks at you and starts sobbing, placing her hands in your chest, and rests her head there, in that little place that was made for her. You both stay there, silent; holding each other for dear life.

"I... I've missed you so much, Tom... and I'm not sure if I can go on like this anymore. I miss you when I wake up and you're not by my side, hugging me, and when I prepare your favourite meal, and whenever I get back home from work and you're not pacing up and down the terrace memorizing your lines, and when I hear a new song that I know you'd like. I've missed your soup when I've had a bad day, and your laugh, your dances around the house, the way you look at me, your hands, your kisses, you... But I'm terrified of it happening again, and that will make me be a pain in your ass sometimes, and I..."

You can’t believe it. She still loves you. You are so happy now that nothing else matters. You chuckle, and tease her. "More than usual? That's going to be a tough test, then."

She slaps your chest with a smile on her face, and tries to reply, but you shut her up with a kiss. You’ve missed this so badly… You kiss her slowly, enjoying every second of the contact; her taste, her warmth, her softness, her moans. You let her know everything with that kiss. How much you love her, how desperately you need her, how sorry you are for hurting her. You just hope she can feel it.

She breaks the kiss, and looks at you. You could say she has felt you in the kiss, but she seems frightened. How could she not be frightened? She has to know you’d die before hurting her again, so you hold her face in your hands and look at her. "I know what's going on in that little head of yours. It won't happen again, Vicky. Believe me. I won't hurt you, and I won’t risk losing you again. But I know you, and I don't want to start anew until you're ready. Just let me be near you, let me help you with whatever you may need, let me be part of your life again. I'll be whatever you need, a friend, a confident, a taxi driver, a punching bag… but don't push me away from you again, please. I’m finished without you."

“And how are we going to do that, Tom? How can we go from everything to nothing, and then to “just something” again? I… I love you, but right now I’m terrified.”

“Why don’t we start with something easy? Would you like to go for a walk with me now?” You offer her your hand and a pleading face, waiting for her to say yes. You don’t know what’s going to happen then, but you need it. You need her back in your life.

She looks at you knowing she can't resist your puppy face, so she grabs her things and you leave the bar together.

You start walking, in silence, just sharing occasional glances. There is no awkwardness in that silence, just two people remembering how to be together. It seems she wants to say something, but she's struggling to put it in words. You don't press her, though.

"I... There is something I need to know, Tom. It's been killing me all these months, and I have to ask it, even if I won't like the answer." She's not looking at you, but you know the question. You've been trying to find the answer too.

You stop and look at her, waiting for the question.

She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. "Why, Tom? Why did you do it?"

You feel her shuddering, afraid of the answer to the question that has kept you awake so many nights.

"I… I truly don't know what happened, Vicky. I know it's a poor excuse, if anything, but it's the truth. After you left, I started preparing the role. You had read the book, you know what it's all about, all the chaos, the downfall of ordinary people into a state of madness, a regression to something primitive, savage, and raw. I received a text from her. She said she was having trouble with the relationship between the two characters, and she wanted discuss it before going to Belfast. We agreed to meet in a private place, and our apartment was the best choice. We talked, we discussed it, we rehearsed, and before we were aware of what was happening you... saw us."

You stop to take some air. The pain is still there, as well as the shame and the guilt. You look at her, hoping she can believe you.

"I know what it looks like, Vicky, I really do, But it's the only explanation I can give. It wasn't me, we were two movie characters following a script. She sent me a text that afternoon apologising. She did not know what had happened, either." You were breathing heavily now, annoyed by your helplessness in making her believing you, tears threatening to fill your eyes again. “Please, Vicky, you have to believe me.”

She is listening to you, but you cannot read her face. After the longest minute of your life, she starts sobbing uncontrollably. You try to hold her, and comfort her, but she turns around, hiding her face from you. It hurts you watching her like this, so you wrap your arms around her, pushing her back against your chest, nuzzling her face, and you let her cry until she calms down.

She turns around, facing you again, getting closer until she's resting his head in your chest.

"I've been trying to find and explanation all these months. I thought you were a fucking cheater. I also thought you had stopped loving me, then I thought that maybe I did not give you what you needed. I also thought that maybe you missed other women's attentions, or that you found other women more attractive than me. I even thought maybe you were a sex addict and you had a secret life until you got caught. I thought about a thousand possibilities, and each one hurt more than the rest. And now I feel like an idiot."

You can't believe what she's saying, and you don’t let her go on. "No, Vicky. No.” You raise her chin, and cup her face with your hands, making her look at you. “Look at me, Vicky. I could not stop loving you even if I wanted. And the only thing I need is you, not other women's attentions or sex. And it's been a long time since you are the most beautiful woman in the world for me. The only one. This was not your fault. It was mine, and I deserved what I got for hurting you. I won’t allow you to blame yourself for what I did, Vicky.”

You rub her cheek with your hand, wiping the tears away. She leans her face to one side, to increase the feeling of your hand, and you can’t wait any longer. You lean you head forward and let your mouth rest near her lips, tempting her, until you finally kiss her. You start with a smooth kiss, waiting for her reaction, but you need her too much, and as soon as she opens her mouth for you, you deepen the kiss, getting lost in her warmth, and feeling you’re back home.


	7. Chapter 7

VICKY

 

He’s looking at you with one of his puppy faces, asking you to go for a walk with him. He knows you can’t resist his charm, and right now, you don’t even want to resist him, so you pick up your things and leave the bar with him.

You’re walking along the river in silence. None of you feel the need to break the silence, and it’s nice, almost as if nothing had happened. Almost.

But you have to ask him. You have avoided it since the moment it happened, but you’ve thought so much about it… You need to know, but you don’t know how to ask him. You know he’s feeling your uneasiness, but he doesn’t ask. He’s just waiting for you to feel comfortable enough to talk.

Finally you pick up all your courage and ask him the question you’ve been trying to avoid. "I... There is something I need to know, Tom. It's been killing me all these months, and I have to ask it, even if I won't like the answer." You can’t even look at him while you ask it. If you could, you’d turn around and run. You need to know the truth, but you don’t want to hear it. You are sure it will hurt you, and you’re not sure if you could bear it. But you have to.

He stops in front of you, waiting. You’re sure he knows what you are going to ask. You close your eyes and take a deep, slow breath. "Why, Tom? Why did you do it?" You feel a shiver in your back.

He doesn’t seem surprised by the question. Probably he was expecting it.

"I… I truly don't know what happened, Vicky. I know it's a poor excuse, if anything, but it's the truth. After you left, I started preparing the role. You had read the book, you know what it's all about, all the chaos, the downfall of ordinary people into a state of madness, a regression to something primitive, savage, and raw. I received a text from her. She said she was having trouble with the relationship between the two characters, and she wanted discuss it before going to Belfast. We agreed to meet in a private place, and our apartment was the best choice. We talked, we discussed it, we rehearsed, and before we were aware of what was happening you... saw us."

You listen to him, waiting for him to finish. You can see the pain in his eyes, his shame remembering what happened.

"I know what it looks like, Vicky, I really do, But it's the only explanation I can give. It wasn't me, we were two movie characters following a script. She sent me a text that afternoon apologising. She did not know what had happened, either."

He’s breathing heavily, looking into your eyes.

“Please, Vicky, you have to believe me.”

You stay there, shocked. It’s the last think you expected him to say. Can it be true? You’ve been all this time trying to find an explanation, sometimes blaming him, other times blaming you, trying to know what you did wrong, what brought him to fuck another woman. But you never thought of this. You’re not even sure if you can believe him, though that would explain what happened then. He’s had a lot of time to think of an excuse, but his expression… Somehow you believe him, and suddenly you feel like you made a mistake sending him off; that you’ve lost eight months of being with him, of loving him, of being loved by him, and the feeling overwhelms you.

You start sobbing, uncontrollably. He tries to hold you, but you cannot bear him watching you crying like that, so you turn around, and cover your mouth and your face with your hands, trying to take deep breaths to calm down, but your lungs don’t admit a single gasp of breath.

You feel his arms around your body, holding you tight, pressing you against his chest, comforting you, hugging you with all his body and soul, as he always did. He leans his face by yours, nuzzling it, whispering soothing words in your ear until you finally calm down and stop sobbing.

Every thought you’ve had during these last months is crossing your mind right now, and you cannot connect a single coherent thought. You try to focus on Tom’s arms around you, and his warmth, and everything starts to feel right. You turn around, and lean your face on his chest. It brings you back to the time when everything was perfect, and you think that maybe everything will be fine again.

"I've been trying to find and explanation all these months. I thought you were a fucking cheater. I also thought you had stopped loving me, then I thought that maybe I did not give you what you needed. I also thought that maybe you missed other women's attentions, or that you found other women more attractive than me. I even thought maybe you were a sex addict and you had a secret life until you got caught. I thought about a thousand possibilities, and each one hurt more than the rest. And now I feel like an idiot."

He pushes you apart, just enough to raise your chin and he forces you to look at him. "No, Vicky. No. Look at me, please. I could not stop loving you even if I wanted to. And the only thing I need is you, not other women's attentions or sex. And it's been a long time since you are the most beautiful woman in the world for me. The only one. This was not your fault. It was mine, and I deserved what I got for hurting you. I won’t allow you to blame yourself for what I did, Vicky.”

You feel some tears falling down your face, and he wipes them smoothly with his thumb. He rests his hand on your cheek, and you can’t avoid leaning your face against his palm, craving for his contact. His hands were always so warm and tender, and you’ve missed this so much… You let go a soft moan, and he leans towards you, resting his lips on yours, kissing you softly, taking your upper lip between his, licking it. He separates from your lips just a tiny bit, teasing you, waiting for your reaction. You open your mouth for him, searching for his lips, and he kisses you deeply. Your tongues welcome each other, your lips bite, suck, nibble, and kiss, and your hands hover over your bodies, trying to recover the lost time.

And then, you know it. You want him back. You need him back. You can forgive what happened, though you maybe can’t forget it yet, but you’ll try your best to make this work again. You can’t function without him.

You break the kiss to take some air and look at him. His eyes are shining again, even in the darkness. He’s smiling with his mouth, his eyes, his whole body…

You smile, too, offer him your hand, and say: “Take me home.”

You walk back towards his car, holding hands, twining your fingers, until he holds your waist as he used to do, pressing you against him, giggling while you struggle to follow the steps of his infinite legs, and stopping from time to time to kiss you again. He opens the passenger’s door for you, stealing another kiss while he helps you getting inside. The entire drive home he’s holding your hand, caressing the back with his thumb, and barely releasing you for changing gear. You just lean your body on the seat of the car and close your eyes, allowing yourself to feel loved again.

You arrive to your street, and he gets out of the car to open your door. You always tell him there is no need for it; that you can open your door yourself, but he insists every time, so this time you just let him do it. He holds your hand and helps you getting out of the car. He gets closer to you when he shuts the door, and he places one of his big hands in the small of your back, pulling you even closer to him. You just bring one hand to his chest and nuzzle his neck. His scent is intoxicating, as it always was, and you feel the need of kissing him again. You stare at his lips, getting closer to them, while you’re breathing heavily. Your faces are nuzzling, but your mouths are still not making contact. Your lips are getting closer, and both of you are struggling to control yourselves, panting at the anticipation of the moment your lips will meet. You cup his face in your hand, and you let your lips rest on his, your belly tightening with the jolt of electricity spreading through your body. He kisses you back, and this time the kiss is not soft. It’s a kiss full of desire, need, desperation… a breath taking kiss that makes your skins burn, and something in your bodies die a little when your lips separate.

You break the kiss reluctantly. “Will you come inside?”

He looks at you. His eyes are almost black with desire, and the bulge in his trousers is getting more evident by the hour, but even then, he asks. “Are you sure?”

“Come. Now.”

You take his hand and lead him to your apartment. You try to open the door, but he turns you around, trapping you between the door and him. His hands are roaming over your body, trying to remember every curve, every inch of your skin. His mouth is kissing your neck, his nose nuzzling and trying to capture your scent, his already hard cock twitching between your legs. After eight months of emotional and physical numbness, all those forgotten sensations are starting to overwhelm you. You can’t stop moaning and panting, touching his chest, his arms, his ass, kissing his neck, and his mouth, grinding yourself against his crotch, the wetness pooling between your legs, and you can only mumble “Please, Tom…”

He takes the keys from your hands and doesn’t stop touching and kissing you as he opens the door. He shuts it with his foot and pins you to the opposite wall, kissing you while he starts undressing you. He throws the dress to the floor, and takes off your bra. His tongue plays with your nipples, licking them, trapping them between his lips, sucking them until they are hard and sensitive. He licks all the way down to your cunt, tearing your panties apart and teasing you, licking it in circles, frustrating you with need. You grab his fluffy hair, and put one leg over his shoulder, trying to force some contact, and you gasp when he pushes one finger inside you, and then a second one, curling them and sliding them up and down, driving you crazy, while his lips trap your swollen clit, suck it deeply and then release it, repeating it over and over again, moaning inside you, until you can’t stand it no more and you come in his mouth, crying out his name. He licks every drop that drips from you, and you feel your walls still pulsating with every touch of his tongue.

He stands up, and kisses you deeply. You help him taking off his shirt, and you kiss his collarbones, and play with his nipples, smiling with every moan he lets go. Your hands rub his cock over the trousers, and you let it free as you kneel before him. You tease his cock with your mouth, giving him a long slow lick, from the balls to the tip, and you lick the drops of precum pooling there, spreading them over the purple head of his cock. When you are going to start sucking it, he raises you up. “As badly as I want your mouth around my cock, love, I’m too close, and I need to be inside you right now.” He turns you around, facing the wall, and places his cock in your entrance. “I’m afraid I’m not going to be very gentle, and I want you so desperately, that I’m pretty sure I won’t last long, but I’ll make it up to you later.”

You’re grinding your ass over his cock, desperate for having him inside you. “I don’t want it gentle, Tom. I just need to have you inside me. Now. Please.”

You don’t have to ask for it twice. You are so wet that he sheathes inside you in one deep thrust, groaning deeply by your ear while he wraps you between his arms. He stays there, still, feeling your warmth around his cock “Oh, fuck, Vicky, you feel so good… I’ve missed you so much…”

“Please, Tom…” You can’t stand it anymore. You feel his cock twitching inside you, and it’s driving you crazy.

He holds you tighter and starts thrusting deep, and fast, touching every possible inch inside you, bringing you closer to the edge with every move. He’s losing his rhythm, and you know he’s really close, too. Every thrust is pushing you against the wall. He’s panting, moaning and groaning. Suddenly, an unwanted memory invades your mind, and your body stiffens as he lets go another deep low groan while he comes inside you. He hugs you tighter against his body, and kisses your face, trying to reach your mouth.

“Vicky, what happens? Did I hurt you? Why are you crying?” He must have tasted your tears, and he seems really concerned. He turns you around to see if you are ok, but you cannot even talk, and you slide down the wall sobbing. How are you going to tell him that his groans reminded you of that damned day?


End file.
